It isn’t that I am neglecting OSL. I wish that I had something something something to tell you other than nothing, no boats sailing on the ocean in the night or any other time of the day passing me or not.
What I do have is a lot of sadness, emptiness, fake business and frustration.
And even then, I don’t know what is real or what is fake. What is real feelings and what is just chemicals.
I wish I had something to tell you more about than this. I feel just like a million winters closing in on themselves to make one big snow cavern at the square root of nowheresville.
you start pole dancing with light
Margiela, Selfridges, Liberty. Couldn’t find the right coat.
I don’t have one. Well except for this.
I was nearly crying again today over the dishwasher when Julia, drunk, asked me what would make me happy.
I told her I would be happy the day I was able to accept that I am never going to be happy: That happiness is just not mine.
OH and for you:
Don’t tell him about the marriage dream.
And don’t mess it up with the nice one to go back to your old comforts uncomfortable of a prick. You will wail BUT WHY? BUT WHY? My body floats over the ocean like the Xi Quong crazy lady.
I thought about that while I cooked dinner.